The Lavender is Dead

The Lavender is Dead– Naruhina: Kat


The first time I saw him was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. He was bright and determined. Driven by, what people said, was an impossible dream. He was everything I wasn't.

And yet I developed something deep for him. What I would come to believe is love.

I've never had the courage or strength to tell him. Tell him that I wish he could just see me. But I didn't realize this until now... He can't see me. He already has people and a special person. I would be unwanted. A complete and utter burden.

Yet I still love him.

Just like how the lavender flower can not survive without the sun, I can not survive without him.

When he is gone the clouds darken, and everyone is lost. I am lost. I can not feel, see, or touch without his scent. He has my heart, something people usually discard as weak and ugly. Yet he keeps it. Even though he has no clue he has it.

I wish he would not be blind. Everyone sees. Even they don't care. I am however devoted to him.

Why? I will never have the answer to that question.

Obliviousness is innocence otherwise it would completely ruin his life. He is neither lonely nor disregarded. He has everyone he needs. The sun is enlightening. The sun is rich with everything  blossoming under its beauty.

If something was ever to take away the sun, everything would die. It would be a cold and undesirable world. The moon would especially be lost without its forever opposite companion.

The sun needs to stay for everyone. The lavender flower should never be selfish.

I want to always bask in his radiance. But I must not be selfish. Everyone needs and wants.

I feel completely and utterly stupid. Love is cold and selfish. And a peaceful battlefield. It is always a contradiction. How he is whole and I am empty.

Seeing me would end it all. End everything that he had worked so hard to achieve.

So I just bask in his radiance, like a good lavender flower should.

And watch the sun and the moon have an amazing partnership.